How to Properly Break Your Ankle: Days 23 - 38

The truth behind a broken ankle? There's not a whole lot you can do. Between the pain pills and the need to elevate your leg, it leaves you pretty immobile.

But a day comes, when you don't need as many pain pills and you can sit for a while without having your foot propped up and things start to look up. If you're lucky, your mom says, "As long as you don't feel drowsy after you take your pills, you can drive."

The possibilities seem endless. I can go outside, I can drive to parks, I'm free! And then the song "Born Free" starts running through your head and you get a full montage going of all the fun you'll have.

Boooorn freee. As free as the wiiind blows.

So the first thing I do? Crutch my way out to the car and check it out.

And then the worst happens. It doesn't start. In an instant, my freedom was stripped away.

I did what any normal human being would do at this point, I turned into a recluse. Some days, I refused to leave my room. I would just lay in bed and watch Arrested Development on Netflix.

 Thanks Shanée.

53 episodes later, I was at a loss of what to do next. I scoured Netflix for any else on instant play that would keep me entertained. I've watched movies, documentaries, and I've gotten myself hooked on Bones.  But the hours spent, when my brain turns to mush, follows a sequence of events similar to this:

Before I knew it, hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into years .... oh wait, wrong story.

Instead, I lost a day, I was constantly a day behind and I couldn't figure out why. Finally, I did some investigative work.

Detective in training.

I've been required to put a WARNING in now, so here goes. The information that follows may change your view about me and the type of character you always thought I had, so please, proceed with caution.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

After my investigative work, I found an unlabelled document on my computer. I had hoped this would help me figure out what happened to the day I can't seem to remember. I opened it and found:

Click it.

Then I got an image from the day I'd lost.

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Amy!!

I blacked out after that. I woke up in a state of confusion. Did I dream all of that? What day was it now?

I decided I was no longer trustworthy. Everyone would be safer if I just stayed in this one spot.

I'll update when it's safe again.

How to Properly Break Your Ankle: Day 22

For the few people who read this, I'm sure you've all been dying to know (what I've decided) the number one challenge with a broken ankle is. I've got two words for you: shower time.
Showers are a necessary evil when it comes to living on this planet. Mostly because if you smell funny, no one talks to you, and I don't want people to not talk to me.
In a previous adventure, I fractured my wrist and was left with a cast for about 2 months. This left me with false ideas of how simple showering with a broken ankle would be. Showering with a fractured wrist is similar to a cake walk at this point:

Showering with a broken ankle is much more like an obstacle course. They might as well have told me every night would be a replay of Legends of the Hidden Temple*.


Obstacle #1: Preparing to shower. (The Moat)
"First, you must remove the boot, then get undressed, and never put ANY WEIGHT on your broken ankle."
This is the relatively simple one, where as long as you stay balanced, you should be able to make it across the moat just fine. I usually look a lot like this:

This is one of the moat crossing challenges, not me practicing my dancing.

Obstacle #2: Getting in the shower. (The Steps of Knowledge)
This one requires some skill and knowledge about myself, the room, and where everything is placed. You would expect this to be simple, but sometimes, there are those slightly more difficult questions thrown in.

Just not that question.

Obstacle #3: Showering. (The Temple Games)
This is all about physical ability. When questions like: 'How long can I balance on one leg for? Can I hop around in water and not fall? Can I sit here and get back up later?' arise. I would compare it to this temple game:

If you do it fast enough without a lot of thought, it's simple ... maybe.

Obstacle #4: Getting out of the shower. (The Temple Run)
Imagine, this is the moment when you've got The Shrine of the Silver Monkey all assembled, the path has cleared and you just have to run out of the temple ... with 10 seconds to go. The anxiety level for this is probably the same, slippery floor, wet feet, and a hope that you don't face plant and break your other ankle on the way out.

Victory!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the Legends of the Hidden Temple summary of showering with a broken ankle. *bows*


*credit due: Nick & my seester, Katie

How to Properly Break Your Ankle: Days 19 - 21

After my last doctor's visit, I have been upgraded yet again. Now, I have moved out of the light cast to a lighter boot. It looks pretty cool. See?

I am Iron Man.

The cool thing about having a boot is that it's removable. That means that I can take semi-normal showers. But no perk is complete without a downside. Now that I have a removable boot, I have to do foot exercises. I even have a some super cool instructions to follow.

What? Were you expecting a video?

My foot exercises involve me attempting to spell the lower case alphabet with my foot and doing squats. I look pretty similar to this:

Yeah, it's real exciting stuff.

But what's better than foot exercises? The new addiction my friends Nick, Colin, Kevin, and Sarah got my hooked on. It's called Left 4 Dead 2.

Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinssssss.

If you've never played Left 4 Dead 2, it involves a lot of shooting, a lot of zombies, and a lot of yelling at your friends. The current situation leaves us looking like this:

Shortly following this incident, I died.

Even with my lack of computer game playing skills, these kids continuously invite me back to play Left 4 Dead again and again. But I've finally started noticing the pattern. I'm the zombie bait. I can only wonder what would happen should a REAL zombie apocalypse come around.

Did I mention I have awesome friends?

These are the fears I fall asleep with.

How to Properly Break Your Ankle: Days 14 - 18

There are some great talents I have gained since I returned home from the hospital. Obviously, since the doctor's orders are "Non-weight bearing on left ankle at all times," that means I have some super awesome crutches. And for the record, crutches are not as fun as you would like to imagine. I had pictured time spent on my crutches would be really similar to when I was younger and my parents would each have one of my hands and then they would swing me.

Looks like fun, right?

Instead, I'm stuck with something much more along the lines of this:

The good news is that with these wretched devices, I have created my very own dance move. I call it, the crutch shuffle.

I'm proud to say I came up with this myself.

But, the best thing about being on crutches I can sum up in two words. Handicap parking. I used to be one of those people that always thought handicap spots were frustrating. Not anymore. I am a new, proud owner of a handicap placard and it allows me more parking privileges than just parking in the blue spaces. I can park in metered spots and not fill the meter. I can park in 10 minute only spots and be there for 3 hours too. Why am I so fortunate? Because I'm broken, and they figure that if you're broken the closer you are to the sidewalk, the easier things are for you. I have found this to be true. Using crutches to get everywhere, if done improperly, hurts your arms a lot. Another bonus? The blue handicap spots are actually wider and have more space between your car and the next car, which means that if I felt like it, I could park like this:

Like a boss.

This blog is dedicated to my old neighbors Nick, Colin, & Kevin. The ones who managed to make me a whole day late with posting.